8) oh I don't know coyote turtle gum pack turn corner in aisles

We keep writing .. oh this page, a bit of a subtle accompaniment to the words, a bit greyish, lighter, like tired, to speak in the world, but still trying, someone take the line “I mean I keep writing ‘in the shadows’ ah it’s a lot of work the meditating the writing” /oh take that line, write out .. the words, accompanying colours little marks, and odd uncinstyrycting clumsy nioncomminttal ninmsges imsges/ non-images top and bottim, as if ascco0m,psnying humsn/ write correctlyor rhrough meditation you find creature non-2 arms-2 legs no representational body no matter to the edge of universe our story we stay stuck in – it watches/ enough of something enough written correctly like here/ but not us “on their great say something in human words” / yeah dud you ever notuice we dint saty much we listem tio some people ah 10 20 yesrs lster do we reneber them as great words, nah just popular people, confident, so then you paid attention, but they really didn’t have much to say .. we live .. and something else accompanies it and past religion science guymbaslls csrs rscers eraser held ion stick out winduiw erase road life in streaks go back over it again and again/ some words spelled wrong, we accept it. keep going .. we camt “the new life’ well, you see a little here, amd through my gstrgstuan 90,000 psge boopk,/ whst say ehnat? What are we supposed to do with that? unavailable following us misspelled or not that much or run-on sentences vibrant images the things get out of here say anything meaningful that humans can’t touch, take holiday in it, or visit, set up shop, live, partially, blend it with here, if that’s at all possible/ well-spelled sentences “with something ekse” “well-spelled is yiouaster disasterof ;ife” with something else yiu spelled it wrong shake me I still dont .. truth, resch, retch, wake up, very sick, extra new very sick, tired new, original new, anythug of sickness vibrancy entered new realm incoherent stabilize, through time in// we take little spots, holiday, do sketches of unsvailsble “whemns it coming?” already here who the extra .. whstever you adepvt here, adapt to here besudes humsn-undersrabasnbke thuigs

Understandable undercurrebnt tiop current happy

Resch fur oeak transcendent meaning

Idf ity ever comes

7) we all try, but "higher levels" it's not as simple, just extending how we think how we are to a next place adding on a few gizmos from university students and thinkers, there we've got it all wrapped up, it is painfully unavailable to conventional thinking high-end thinking end of the road assholes really not being rude but it's completely stinking unavailable give the fuck up regroup dirty pig lie around in squalor for 10 years "thinkers"

Ah I’m not trying to be rude but do I have anything original to back it up with, maybe I do, back up the toilet with/ ha /“we try to park” “our originality” colours heads buttocks feet line it all up sit be at a computer be at a drawing board be at a kitchen table just have a stiff board like get the kind of board painters paint on, smooth a little bit bigger than an 8 ½ by 11 sheet of paper ah start to draw from these words sad words some misspelled texting from soul from outer space strange man walked the walk squalor for years or kicked out not respected not listened to, mind fried not from drugs just happenstance fate genetics who knows “exited” / found chi kung meditation at age 40, / 14 years into it so far, 53 years old, /old, or just beginning, what is matter, body made of matter, earth made of matter, our planet, and the sky, and breathing, and thoughts, it appears we are in a story, with everything made of the same material, yet we “in our so smart human lives” separate it all out, define it as separate unique tomatoes oranges, organic veggie lasagne, expensive, a small one, frozen, ah walk around the grocery store, walk around anywhere .. in the story .. never exit

“ah take it easy eric don’t kick us in the nuts, or in the vagina, cunt, whoops, don’t be rude .. but do you have anything past fucking stinking rudeness, or our poor minds, all over the world, we may be polite good people

But we have minds in us like this

What do we do eric saunter through small part of your 90,000 page book, not be too turned off, it has an easy lilt to the paraphrasing or whatever the fuck you call it .. our poor minds in matter like a rubber balloon off “just being a body” we all know we are more “but I can’t touch it”

-

So here is some writing, from offline, takes up where last entry on this blog left off, / no. 6)  /so I hope you enjoy it, it’s from a few days ago, here right now, it is Sunday, May 11, 2014, it’s 6:45 p.m.  Bye.  I do my best.  Give you some.

I mean I keep writing “in the shadows” ah it’s a lot of work the meditating the writing, the hours and hours of meditating, change my mind from matter to actually seeing what’s at the edge of the universe there, the entity there./ titties ass, whoops. Wjere am I psr;ismrmt elected offuycual no im just s guy think nobbid;s lisyemig to this, oh id ckean it up grt opublished nothig there then cranky odd really breaks dywn and is sick puke covered mustasrd stain ion dirty white tank rolling top tank rooling off tabke lie on floor tired world .. and fnds good thigs there.

And beig casual.

Beimng fruends with it here.

The edgwe if the univert sees me sgruhs its sdhoulders walks in sots nerer “thought house”

-

Sunday, May 4, 2014  9:25 am

So I put another entry on that blog last night, no. 6) .. oh to say a little what this is about, ah hidden away, am I a terrorist, am I a good terrorist, what is that, a goodiest, that doesn’t sound very scary, well I’m not scary, I don’t want to terrorize, don’t want to hold a knife to a woman’s throat, rape her, that is MOST UNAPPEALING to say the least – /oh sweet love, going to the heights, to the point you don’t see the woman, just write to her.

Oh, sweet love.

Past what the world is capable of.  And the mechanism, that switches us all over, to love, oh how corny, hide it away, it truly is that, what people seek with their heroin, or junk, any kind of junk, trash, seek to force it, they snicker at it with each other, can’t do it with each other, but seek it in a drug.

Oh what a sad world.

So skulk around with love, Eric, hide it.

-

How strange, to have answers, to not be able to approach anyone, set up a date, share this from the get-go, approach a girl, a woman, approach all people, for a different world, instead we skulk around, or aren’t sure who’s watching, as they try to stop it, or aren’t sure, how this formed over the years, I wasn’t feeling well, but soldiered through, I was creative, came up with this, with the help of meditation, but it hasn’t been smooth, it’s been a rocky road, oh how strange the love we seek in the fantasy of the prince and princess, but in life then, is it ugly in life then?

The good love?

The highest heights?

The one we all deserve?

-

Strange I don’t dare share this, what has my life been, that I don’t dare share this/ oh, ah, off to the corner, mind not working the same, or saw the true lengths, what we had to go to, the platitude “why can’t we all just be good?  You just do it.”  people say that, you ask them how it is done, they just say “you just do it”  They’re missing a million miles of steps, they can’t just do it.

And they are there all their lives, pushing at a million steps they can’t do, can’t circumvent them, can’t leap over .. so see my million steps, I took the plunge, whether I knew what I was doing or not, roughly knew what I was doing, trusted “the crazy way” “or the million steps” “to good.”

-

Oh boy, get anyone involved in that, and now that I am here, know the million steps, ah is Shae there, the girl from the park, is she good, wants a good life, good, honest, love without lies, wants to live a good life, be honest, loving, warm, close, maybe it is possible, don’t take that away from her, maybe she can do it “just based on how life is” ah, no rude words, no rude putdowns, people go their own way.  You would hope people find full love in their lives, are able to work through problems, actually have the distance to go, actually know what to do.  Or be sad.  Don’t know “did I ever try all the steps?  What were the steps?  As I get older, I don’t know, not really, I lived, day to day, you just have certain things you live, you shower, you wash yourself, you’re presentable, dress well, even that, to stay neat, to be clean, that takes work, ah life, it takes work .. we just don’t have a lot of time, we naturally feel love, or something like it, attraction to a woman, what is lust, what is love, what is being concerned about her, listening to her problems, trying to help, not be off chasing another woman, or multiple women, instead stay with one person, want to help, share, and she helps you, the same way, that is very rare .. a. life, to say all this book, realize where you start, these are the depths, you never get to, never have time for .. so with Shae, where is she now, is she planning, saving for her first house, with her boyfriend, fiancé, do they hsve 10,000 saved already? And so it goes .. you know, what does this have to do with it, for all of us, for Shae and me, there is no “Shae and me” and life, every situation, include this extra “we have no more time” “cant fit this in, as our problems sway us, batter us” “they catch us, at some time” “our problems” oh my ..

You don’t say this to people, directly, put them down, take away their love, they have to see it for themselves, ah do they do good enough, and all the world raging around them, no answers, nothing they can do – they care, they hurt, nothing they can do

All the politicians, all the police, all the thinkers from universities, nothing they can do

There is no time, this crazy book, takes a million pages, a million years, there is no time

A simple mechanism, how did I become a good person, or did I start off bad, or willingly went into the bad, to find out – was so hurt at my bad, so destroyed, faded, worked, slowly, slowly

For the mechanism that will change the world

Ah, corny, say that to yourself, eric

We are all so jaded, tired, keep that to yourself, eric

Always hide it

-

How strange to have been through all this, and to have what will work, with needing problems, to then work with this, needing the bad patterns, to then work them with this, develop at chi kung, be able to see the pieces to this treatment, and have it be accepted, you can make a salary, make a living, be part of a community, it is not “just sitting on your ass” “meditation” “it is working, towards answers, you cannot otherwise get” making this more common, more readily available, for pain, mental pain, physical pain, spiritual pain, you cannot get through, no one can help you with, no one has anything .. so these are the two sides to it, do any false thing you can to throw a tarp over the pain “change it” when you really aren’t, you are just covering it up, with drugs, food, sex, anything you can get, falsely look at it, spend so much time on those things, and it destroys you, or spend your time on this, and it makes you a good person, no side effects, no destruction, no falseness.

But it is not so easy.

/how do you survive, how do you have space for 4 hours of meditation a day and the writing and the drawing and seeking gallery representation, it is not so easy, being part of this group, watching it develop slowly slowly/ And being tempted when you feel good to do stupid things, in the transition, to using this energy wisely .. you get hints, then you make a mistake, you move farther, into the good chi kung, then you make a mistake, so it goes./ you make a leap to using the energy wisely, then you mess up again/ that crux, the turning point, revolving around it, finding the good space, then you roll on back to the bad space, you almost stay with the good space then no it is too much the bad space feels so good .. the full good of the good space is not available, fully saying the prayer being, fully having her with others/ you roll back to the bad space, in grey areas like this or filling out now, seems grey areas, but fully have her, as transition away from “great bad” can’t make good decisions – cement in solidly the good space it fools you the human fools you convinces you to make more problems, which is needed/ oh my God, in one way, and in another way isn’t, to produce problems, for this mechanism to read, to be fueled on, to produce the prayer bring the small god, in this story, that needs a small god, practical now, feelings health that trump pills and drugs/, maybe you have enough of the story can feel the ravishing rotten weal wheel real damn story real wellbeingistic on earth fantastiamong us circulating more than fantasy lied about in drug state/or yes hold on to that .. more than fantasy lied about in drug state/ hidden where in us this power or this triumphant quiet/ away from the norm people mobbing halleays dhopponf cebntrs dfoctor’s officers away from that noem/ there is this/ no longer a put-on good, where me in me something still hurts/ / mobbing material goods extermnals weven a pill dissolving in yiu external/ so hard to develop the healthy internal/ storehouse/thank yiou/energy from the falsified story or this one seems false magical fase move in it/ move in yiur tarfty durty scuffed up life/ must be kept the samne or slightly adjusted what prfoblemsd/ spell better gradually tug us aliong spell more than surface words spell thisd are beeded with no ./ needed withsolution/ oribkems withourt prioducing extra ones, thst is the turn question around and introduce its back end to mouth oh I m just laughing here bot oh sexwith queastions dirty things fun things she’s clean internal it is living internal never have this girlfriend thought girlfriend calm in you yio’d never get to this, with her, externals thisbarbous bad question dirty smnally the lengths of health in you clean washed loved bed in you odd detour, when you can wash inside with chi kung be clean and sexy in there with life’s best love can’t reach what is it and have sex with inner tata tadum self lock in “do not disturb” meditayte in the hoterl room of self fucking snorting voke drinking no, meditatinfg, thank you go away amd eat ghist appsrotuion nit there some shitass sexfuck her ass fuck iot, no this is love idiot thing, tweoidits my better life I could never reach a love because I’m a pig all of us read asnd agree see us you .. and feel better

Fuckin shit la la laugh and dig in

do this/ ha lost us there crude o0ictures sad wehast we have to fasce yiou made it firty fiol;thy lonely io cant face chi kunfnow ir I can

-

/endf’ snippet/ 10:40 am

-

10:45 am

That I am the sexy body inside no body connections to sky that has similar connections

In chi kung

Deep

To fuck of a noble no body no human flesh body I feel proud to fuck that way

-

/endf’ snippet/ 10:45 am

-

10:50 am

To take away the rude language, to join with some force, some energy, what am I, a penis a vagina? what am I it confuses me inside too find the right connection the right picture what is it a penis a vagina? or nothing, start again, but blissful fuck no don’t use that language in precious inside worked this far in the romance to making love

unknown

-

/endf’ snippet/ 10:55 am

-

//

To be naked of the energy connection inside, in down in the central core, the lower t’an t’ian, two fingers down from the navel two fingers in, not a physical place, or half physical, not on any charts in doctor’s office, anatomy, no, it bridges in, what is the connection there, pipe fitting, screw-on, clip-on, click-in, plastic metal flesh a com,inbimston or “nothing”

Misspel;ed sligjly of this world iots perfect bioidup perfect expression then meetig a brick wall in all of us

Or this

Slufggard slug weord insect worm or nithig creepy weurd slimy unknown alien sex weird pop out of hiding place weurd glow chi kung eergy develop beog eek weird damn yiou there dint uinsult it with sex or os it an insult

Unnamed unknown prsctuce niot incesrt perversion slattern sloopy slipy gripy trolls elves where are yiou who are yiou

-

/endf’ snippet/ 11 am

-

11:15 am

Got a twinge in my back on that last writing, now the other side to back, apart from injured part other side that was healing/ oh it’s not good to talk of “fucking” and “making love” with this area, it may have something to do with that, as I meditate, gain energy, yes, the pendulum swings to use the energy in the wrong way again, in porn, watching porn, on the internet, I watch a little each day, as if daring myself “is it time? is it time yet?” oh life, and I saved a photo the other day, of Janis, just her face, she was smoking a cigarette, looking at the camera, had a top on, you could see that, but not a sad expression, not a happy expression, almost wondering “why a face shot” “you don’t want that ever?” “me clothed, no come on my face, no sex going on – hey this is my rest period – go away”

That feeling about the photo

But – see me too – is there ever a way to see me, do I even know what that is

Like I try to see the eotu the edge of the universe, try clumsy sex talk

No

No

But like with any person things you will easily say to them try at more hidden things, don’t have language mechanism context how you say it that would take years another lifetime/ never get to the true hidden, in where is that there could you tell me guide me private parts of language feelings

Not a cunt or cock

see

-

/endf’ snippet/ 11:25 am

-

2 pm

So, I did a 3+3, good to do that much, even though it was irritating at points, so the 3+3, that coupled with 2 hours 18 minutes magnification, equals a total of  4 hours 43 minutes.

So this is how it goes .. oh these difficult times, to feel any level above “I am just my human body, flesh and blood, eat health food, eat rotten food, go to doctors, get pills, is anyone aware of this other level? Anyone at all?”  it us like that yeah you can tell I’m a bit irritated, oh at some point in it all abdomen locking up, hard to get through that it is the most irritating life-killing feeling you can feel, that your mind and body want the meditation to stop flop make a mistake any excuse outlaw it/ by yourself, in yourself, no police or government around JUST HATE IT YOURSELF/ all by your lonesome no one to blame you take on the power, and the cure/ you be the mighty man mighty woman whoever it is in these terrible times discipline yourself  to do this work, find a reason to do it at all/ but I want to stop, please let me stop/ no this is healthy! Endure! It will get better as you move farther through it has happened before pain ends, pain shiush will end soon live it out/ but want it tio all sdtiop never cme bsck base life comopletel;y ion the corporeal the physical “what’s here” nothing else ever ever ever – it is MOST IRRTSTING dealing with the minf ad bidy HSVIG ANYTHUG ELSE ST ALL / shut up shut up all meditation shut up/.. thuds is why they hsve monasteryes where they fuirce you to medistioe ior the cruwd oif you has an easier time of it “everyone is doing it” “power in numbers” but alone, you just feel like giving up ALL THE TUME .. but you do rescvh higher heoghts thethingss you see envision asssum assumpre beyind the chstter if humsns beings sharing, sorry people I have to go away / sorryto sound rude, but it’s not so rudem, to try, this kind iof toughness doinyhit ion yior iwen is necessary to go far far far./ messes

-

/endf’ snippet/ 2:15 pm

-

3:45 pm

My back is quite bad, now the other side, like I was saying, it seems to be above the midway point on the left side .. so this is not good, I mean I thought I was getting through it on the right side.  It seems okay though, the right side seems fine.  Oh, my sleeping situation, the bed, is not too good.  Things on it, the mattress not exactly placed well.

It is very hard to live.  Very hard to take care of things.  But this left side just seemed to pop out / out of nowhere/ I was just sitting here, just writing here on the computer, and it happened.  No I was not flailing around like a madman with my arms and legs.  Ha ha.

I was just writing normally sitting not hunched over just sitting.

That’s it.

Anyways for each of us is it some superstition is it some harming the gods? /maybe it is.  Inferring I was having sex with the gods.  That’s not too good to say that.

In meditation it was nothing of the sort.  Farthest thing away.

It is an insult to it to infer that.  It is a higher level.

But I just continued in, weathered it, doubts, fears, for inferring something, doesn’t match, you’re in there the feeling of connecting with a higher power is not humans getting naked with each other, at least not most people, the callous using, that we’re all used to seeing, that say the entire porn industry is based on.  /True caring is a higher level.

Some people, give themselves to each other in love, is a higher level.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 3:55 pm

-

5:55 pm

So I lay down a bit, had a snooze, it’s raining out, cold, my back was bad, so lay down.  I did sleep.  That was good.  So, yes, to be happy doing this, doing this book, have confidence in it – it is true – there is this other level to life – I am at it – or vacillate between it and lower, just regular, where I can get depressed feel no meaning to my life – it can be rough – where is my smile, where is my jubilation? from a youngster, or way back there, below 14 I guess, oh it’s been rough – where is my pleasure in this, where is my playfulness, maybe there were periods, past 14 too, I had a nice smile, was happy, did my best – oh, that life is the bad happening too, and coming back from it, when you think you have nothing left, no more space to be happy, no more strength to be happy, I guess you just have strength to be miserable now, ha!  And so it goes, to have strength to run well.  What is this tough life, and do your best, to be a lean mean thinking mschine! ha ha, no not quite mean, or tough, cut, muscular, tough thinker, tough creator of beautiful images .. ah it takes that much, at this point, to be excited, to involve myself in this meaningful life, to be enthused, to put my best foot forward, to be fascinated, to, say, sit before a camera, and give examples of how this would be in life, be fascinated – not just dead, killed by mental health issues, killed, buried, killed by pain from my parents’ deaths, killed by it, killed by loneliness, no one to understand me, no one to share – killed – or keep going, look forward to things, be a strong man.

It hangs on by a thread.

Friends in the population to this higher level, or just with God.  The eotu.  Edge of the universe.  Be happy and smile with him her it.  Humans have it rough.  This is the last post.  Finding this energy that is so difficult to get to, finding it when nothing is left, lower levels, cannot get it there, are made for these upper levels too, all of us.

Made to get here, tired human lives, been through so many bad things, tired at this point.

Where is the standard human life, that can be transferred into all of this?

At this point in our age, even youth, mean swearwords, scowls .. have nothing left .. at this point.

In the human body mind soul or no soul an imaginary thing, abstract thing, not real, no shape

Or this

Hard to remember the shape work it have it alive, so difficult to remember, to work this other life now

It is here but barely, needs strength to hold on, do you have it?

Can I remember its life in life /I have had the bad life terrible things happen, terribly broken, now can this be inserted, for all of us, a glum mood, glum outlook, young or old, tired of being lied to, tired of our own lies even, in our head, tired of the definition of life, unable to reach for anything further, any of us.

Tired, had it, not an ounce of strength left, need these subjects on the table, need the little prayer being, the subject of her, on the table, to be talking of her, in the moment.  Know we are talking of her.  And I am happy.  Oh the things that cannot be said, we dance around them, is the worst one the little prayer being, can’t even conceive of her a further human life that is built from pain, our dealing with pain,/ we can see her for unknown answer to unknown question can’t put together, move on it, have anything there, walking through the miles, miles, we don’t even have of the question/ can’t even put together alien question, half us half alien, not of this world, levels “we’re not supposed to have” mind work at things it’s not supposed to be able to, have an upper level on earth of mind and compassion and feeling, that you’re allowed to do, has power of energy of life of a bright life of a bright light in your soul/ oh trapdoor of putting myself down for even saying that oh trapdoor, human badness negativity take drugs look at porn no love for a partner no respect/ where is the smile for human partner on this bashed down love/ dumb life, sneer along with the rest, or try for a level not here/ or is here/ with a god, in us, we can create, or let through – is it real energy – oh are you an example eric? BUT IT IS SO HARD TO DO!!

Hang on smile for this all on your alone

-

/endf’ snippet/ 6:30 pm

-

//

To smile for a better life in the life you have now

-

Build in the life now, be ready for the life where things are better, but live it in the life you have now

-

//

8:20 pm

How do you get it done in all the famous families bug me hug me different days for found families no relation friends on effort big groups need castaway thrownaway alone time go see him go see her never get intelligent alone time wisdom only worried eyes “we admire you” “do something wrong right not illegal but we’re not sure how many unanswered sections of equation to answer” long-term strained “can’t do it answer sections pulled along next section assemble large impossible life game hockey pass” get something going, bring back, to welcoming crowd, no

We are all alone, cart pushing along through grocery store out for answers not in chicken burritos lettuce canned ham

Can’t do it, shop and shop, for food answers brain

Crowd is down dormant drawing doing damn you eric feed us better quizzical gems, crowd is bringing love

What where itch we scratch lightly

All sides add up, is bad, is good dough re me but no, I’ll add it up a different way, but still survive save it, crowd is solid gold good, we never tell the truths “it’s wearing out, looks deceive, when you wearing coat of dolly roll help us” say the crowd, then push you out – go away for answers, don’t get the luxury love every day, for months, years, all pobblesubts probaklies all hours love, held,. Kept, fir no answers, go out get away fur answers canlt arwe lonely

Calm down

-

/endf’ snippet/ 8:30 pm

-

//

Feeling of inmy brain

Yiu almost got it

Thankyiu

Small spots moved teased sparked to something better small moves enough in complexity I got ity

-

/endf’ snippet/ 8:30 pm

-

9:15 pm

Oh our lives some special mind off to the side we never think of it which kid which grown man grown woman who has it which person who has it?

Mind off to the side working on it

Ah we need things, things we can’t have

Answers from outside the pack generating mistakes lumbering successes many dots mistakes blending weaving catastrophes blending weaving who’s got the puck who scores hockey industry groceries panties socks boots high heels buy purchase clothes wardrobe millionaire’s house smaller house dive Nova Scotia New York City surface Thunder Bay, London, Ontario, London, England surface where are we all going, anybody stand it, to be outside it all

Come up with anything

Not tortured by be alone step up be wise man

Wise gloop ploop plunge raindrop lightweight many fall rainstorm light rain

Words skill with pack – pack of words

Pack us up show our intelligence waining here

Many people grope going on skirtoshes what lee legs srms corral ranch dressing salad moved city sliced tomato get yiur gbrfeath sliced lungs cut up out of breath words traffic many cara loo roaring any stop showme one

Where

Thete wsolmw there

-

/endf’ snippet/ 9:25 pm

-

1:25 am

I think there’s definitely an oh-mi-fgosh feeling a lot os going on where/ on easrth, oh there so many things flashing by, you dint wamnt to pull over miss any of it put it duwn, but just slow oy duiwn foot off gas pedal rump bulge buttocks, pull over to the sde away from all kissies it, and have something elsde to do, still paid. Still make a living, as if intelligemt over there off ti the side rsre a special intelligemce over there iver to the stde paid valued showerslower more precise what nah just stand nit ghostlikewsttbke any wattableother way light from the sopeed rysh themn duwnhomwe slow diwn get the real thing

-

/endf’ snippet/ 1:30 am

-

Monday, May 5, 2014  11:05 am

Oh, how we travel.  Through this.  Trying to live life just as usual, I mean, you walk, you move, you press buttons, you turn on light switches, you drive cars, you pay bills, but what are we inside?  Never included, a feeling, takes years to feel, the eotu, fully formed, or getting there, an entity, the feeling of life, animation, past your human body being animated, having the breath of life.

Strange to work on that, it coming through, and have some “game” for it, not really a “game,” like teams, like in hockey, I’ve been watching the hockey on TV lately, the playoffs, quite thrilling, really good teams, high skills, they sometimes find it hard to score on each other, the teams are highly skilled offensively, defensively, and the goalies are really highly skilled, let very few shots in, it becomes a finely tuned game, looking for the little mistakes, or the way the puck bounces, odd things happening, /but we enjoy the premise of it, two opposing teams, and the interweaving of them skating around, and the rules .. I mean, what is it, 5 guys on the ice at any time, plus the goalie for each side? and all the different particulars, each man, the skating, the power, the finesse, or lack of/ these kinds of things, how characters interact, win or lose, we enjoy a big stadium, a big arena, and sit in our seats, watch these “gladiators” play it out, I guess it’s been going on for a long time, like in our lives, do we win or lose, at survival, do we use our young years to establish a “good game”? /and watch it concentrated in a hockey arena.  It’s strange to think of meditation in these terms, or our inside being, that is really of a different character from all these “external games”  /just this morning, in magnification, the first time in a few mornings I was relaxed, could really feel the eotu, edge of the universe, feel it, its glow, I guess besides my “glow” or lack of, as a human, oh my terrible times, depressing times, “losing” “not doing well” strange to feel that read, by this other entity, not available, in our lives, do we just push to externals, push to be part of something externally?  A game, a process, make money, watch people make money, perform, making money, different salaries, how good you perform, how good you are part of some game .. strange to be sad from it all, break, you get broken from it, some of us at a very young age.  Very strange to work to this point, I put in the years, yes, 14 at meditation so far, but all the life before that has been important too.  To even feel this, feel the eotu’s life, to feel its “blankness” as a type of life, enlarge on that, in me, what I feel is in me .. very gradual, all that.  And how does it then “play” “in the game” “of life”/  what does it do, to survive, to have a life, through the human being, on the human’s terms?

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It is very strange, a not-talked-about-thing, entering life, not as any of the “descriptions” it used to be “or lack of description.”

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Not there – if you lost at life, making money, being important, you just went away and died, you could go to a monastery, some of us, but not “the game of life” “watching hockey” “but playing at your own game” as a citizen .. /oh sometimes some people just can’t do it anymore “just die” and before they can store up some money, invest it, have a nest egg, survive, into their old age .. gently gently what comes from the other direction besides external games?

What are we alive, a different kind of alive, unbranded, never known?  Playing, on human terms, in externals, seems impossible, people have never seem this, are shy about it, a life form from inside “we don’t have” a form an entity on inside’s terms a form take shape in some way our physical reality will accept but isn’t the physical reality prancing posing what is keeping our hands off this our greedy hands, pulling stretching/ how does it survive stand there not us of flesh but from behind us of flesh, a place we have never explored, what could possibly be from there/ where does it look, what organs does it have of sight of touch use ours share ours but stand near us or overlayer into us sometimes, come out from inside, we never had the guts to say this, form it, separately, from us/, from all the former stated atmosphere, there is religion, science, buying things, praying, having money, hockey, entertainment .. I don’t know, what do you do, nothing there, inside, in way to feel it, be sodaradarfuntunned get yiou fun times steered what wher I had no fun or challenge rsise ther bar, try chi kung medistin, hsrdcire, a serious tyoe, hours and hours a day, and does it click with you “to evem hsve this insude beig” “not in our spelling the game”?

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/endf’ snippet/ 11:40 am

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11:45 am

Just having your senses alive for the room, ah eyes open a little, I go back over there, my little space, in the recroom here, I go over, rejoin magnification, strictly that, eyes closed, swaying, moving, trying to join, seeing the eotu, being the eotu, letting it through .. but life .. even this room .. precludes it .. eliminates it .. you have to work it a bit more .. realize the difference between your human external thoughts and this deeper in .. is my writing the eotu, have somehow I established a straight-through road, or sometimes, there are occasions? but this being, to include it in talk, in interaction with others, it is very hard, whether it makes it there or not, into life, what art can you do, drawings, paintings, what art held to crummy or lack of skill or everyman everywoman reaching for instead too how they appear face-to-face, interact, have nothing of this, only the external game, and some flow to art, that loses its purpose, becomes an external “excuses you from ever trying as you” “there is no you” internally, formed, anything that comes out.

How to ask someone about that?

“besides their external game, we all can’t help it, it is not so bad, is it?” yes, it is,/ how to have confidence in interjecting “stop the external game your face is playing” how can anyone ever say that, ever back it up, have what is behind the face, have confidence in it, even form it, a blur in there, not from this planet, not from this universe/ or some people stop/ in all external life is, including their face mind external-life-mind how a human thinks in their surroundings “what they know” are you sure that is it then? no/ all people feel the other but cannot explain it/ there is the “game” then/ teams or one team and your internal you can’t see/ “play” try to get there, bring it here, explore unknown ground “none of us have” “all of us have”//, they regret their external game, yes, are soft about it, is it that they know this other if you say how you say .. look at you .. are open to something where on the horizon internally no horizon internally or is there, a sunrise some heat light anything to darkness inside what is the glow no heat no light by eyes or skin feeling no /we each carry/ something else, you approach it right, over years, broken, no friend in this “stupid unknown” then there is, treat them right they treat you right

Have never heard of it in this form

No way, tell me more, this form, we cannot say in ordinary interaction even books art this strange 90,000 page book land not here

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:05 pm

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12:10 pm

And Shae, the girl from the park, who would walk close, try to get me to recognize her, I had met her at my front door, shaken her hand, twice, she didn’t seem to understand what was going on, I see,ed nrmal appealing but was missiog “so I saw tyouy there” “I saw you here” knew her, her face body her stance her impression knew her, instead we entered into some corridor something deeper this book tapped from my computer by Janis, given to Shae, she read, in the corridor, something deeper, that recognizing her by face would preclude, I wasn’t doing that, something else was, I wanted to recognize her, be her friend, talk to her face-to-face, as knowing her, but I couldn’t.

I would see her, then hours later I would realize it was her, at home, writing in this book, that would then get to her then.  At a deeper level.

That people don’t have.

I don’t have it, she doesn’t have it, none of the world has it.

No one in the world has it face-to-face.  It takes these strange corridors.

To know each other like this, to know each other at all.

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//

Very strange to open it up here, remember it, see it for the first time

Include it in our vernacular of life

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//

What would I talk like in life, face-to-face, Shae wonders that.

I don’t know, Shae, you were there, as this book, a strain on my part beautiful edge of the world precipice into something else or the universe or beyond/ we cannot say, would sound silly on earth, so silly/ could I carry it off face-to-face careful, the energy of chi kung, open it up, careful, get such a thrill from talking to you this way face to face, delicately/, a mrntal breakdin, no I dint think so syrain but yiu welcoming me something else noty from here/ or my nervous earthy child earth body/ me through all this/ or a beautiful opening up, fir all humnsnkind, of this.

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:25 pm

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//

To negotiate, appearing as an ordinary human, and as this.  Corridors, words, tapped books from computers, how do we do that .. the nuance of how this happened in shae and my life, into the world

How does this occur en masse this odd “Janis was stealing it” but in my breakdown, and in my volumeblossoming pages .. I wem,t along wioth it, or wasmmt sire, opr was prescient emough to see whst ot will all tirn out ti be, later through it on, into a new land, foreclosed or new owner I diont know frree speech frree peace for us all

Not quite

We skulk asround, humsns on this, cannot say it to esch other.

So it is

Work with it

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Am I really sad over how it turned out with shae, evem though we asccomplishd so much in here/

Yes I am really sad.

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But I held on to the necessary opersnality, makeup, of the humsn beiog. Nextimpossible we pose as this 2 legs 2 arms even the moist sincere wish we could have depth in our dealinfs wuith each other an inside we don’t know cannot be intriced ibn our finishrd “know what to say to eacvh other” “know how to be with each other” or like me with the track team girls ididnot know they were there for me why me in my present form, why me

This is real and hidden has no say imn what I would say all is finished I know how to act we dion’t act this way what we want/ the girls acty ther way fron life I act my in between way frozen at least im not agioof nttoo goofy, sthis is almost almost therte statyely

Thst cannot be.

The next human being. stately wisdom

Thst cannot be.

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It is thst duffuycult.

Evberybdy kniws it is this dfiffcult.

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But opened up.

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//

We hsve our day here, we really all do know thast this book bsck in our head behind velvet cirtasins we cannot psrt, we all felt we would get it done as us, just as us, dbnlt we, girls?

We felt the humsn could hsndkle thuis “oh whst an interesting premise:” and include it reasdly in our lives

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:35 pm

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3:05 pm

So I did a 3+3, so that coupled with 1 hour 41 minutes magnification, equals 4 hours 36 minutes.  Good to do this, get more of the vision, /I guess, reality, inside, humming in me, extending past my surface, like a jelly coating me with slight oayer of furr, or firry jelly vibrating little hars or the feel of something in you, betyind you, thst you let it in, you are niot just merely prsying tio Gud, singing sings, staying a human “dsafe’ in touyr humsn, whst would you do, if you hsd a choce, God swimming through you?  would you refuse or accept?  I am telling you, it is very scsrym, thst scually happernig, nit jusy “suppose this wotld hspen” humsn staying safe in their myopic stilted cmceited life, lack of where are we ta viosion, seeig nithig, sngiong ouit tio a beig fsr fsr fsr away from them.  the eutu, edge of univberse, it is DAMN HSRD to live ths through, feel it for real, correscted human hasve the tyoe of ruined klife4 thst iot wants ti resd, I am deassd, I should be desd, very little cintsct with humsnity as it is, humsns, runnig sround scurryonh around, I live my little life, ignored, no one interested in it – I live this little life, see whst I see, hsve the capsbility to live in extreme pain then resd it hsve the extra life impossibly, resch the beig, thst is reading it./ will come in

It takes time/Oh my to evem hsve the choicem, ruse thus eye to feel my dresdfuk kifem, than a gid liking it, to read, to becme psrt of life, the prsyer being, the floating words, have the capability, but in all these switchbacks, corridors life room “nit sctually rescvh here we are life” “but resch life’ could shae say any of these words bsck to me, stsmd there, handle this, say thuis, like she was here, can she “living in life as it is” say any of thuis .. does she go to church, dues she sing tio gid, but ont take ot this fsr ctyally be ghidm, esch perso9n, be the eitu, feel it take over yor body, flow in ask yi yiohave ti be brave abd create another being with it past human/ nit be scasredm, tryst it, be scsred, but allow it in, you could die, it is a completely fireuign being, to work with it, humsn thinking they are separate la la luxury eat crap feel sio good, or fgace responsibiluities/ like this/in theuyr bubbkle, they are bodies, asddicted tio theur ien thioughtsm, can you move into this/ feel yiour oen thoughts temot you, as tempt you cannit think thuis st all, ever .. feel you be te,pted by your own suck tyouion thoughts, run bsck tio them “you are alive in as human that’s all don’t ask” ‘you wuyld be decidedly out of placesd ibn tghuis’ or would you – I hsve survvedm, with thus in me.

I let maze puzzle assume me / itmove through my srms amnd legs, through my tirs, through my hesd, I guive it full acess.

It is very risky, throw my life away, or turn it iver to thuis procesws, nit be as humnsn orstyyingk, stsyig exusting praying as a humsn, but changing over walking into whwere yiu change bodily matter of emotionsimn each area, like anger to acceptance in liver area change matter like that/ what you are allowed in story stay the same fleshed out detail of human on the rails/ nto sometgig else.

Thast takes real guts.

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We arethere to know how matter changes quietly

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/endf’ snippet/ 3:25 pm

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7:20 pm

So today I washed some shirts, 23 t-shirts, 2 polo shirts, and a pair of sort of gym shorts beach shorts, all by hand, so a big job, hang them all on the line, except for polo shirts, on hangers, straighten out collar, shoulders, and arrange t-shirts, try to give them drying room, make sure sleeves are pulled out, straightened, not dry crumpled in .. and a big job, use bucket in sink, clean tan rectangular shape bucket, and spin out excess water in machine, have to arrange them all in there, pulled out into long shapes not bunched into ball by hand squeezing them, so all these steps, /to life, yeah, how do we get anything more done, I mean the couple next door, they have 2 little kids, that are little bicycle riding age, do they have a 3^rd, I saw a baby carriage around, so yeah, what time do you have, look after yourselves, keep house clean, get groceries, have sex once in a long while, so tired, overworked, poor sleep, try to raise good kids, what do you tell them about the world, little by little, things you leave out, they’re too young, you’ll always leave out, let them find out, ugly world, callous, people using each other up, using internet to keep tabs of garment factory in foreign country “they sew happy clothes for us” they’re not so happy, /and use internet, miracle of internet, to get instant updates, how hard they’re working, work the skin off their backs .. so find out about the world, yeah, /and do tough work, wherever you are, who has time for the tough work of finding a higher level for all of us, it’s not easy work, it’s commensurate with the reward, the mystery of the reward …

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/endf’ snippet/ 7:35 pm

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9 pm

So I did a 1+1, it took me 1 hour 21 minutes, wrote down this, some during, most after “ a blurry facade on top of a blur  /  the mysterious blur that eludes even being called a blur  /  I don’t even know you’re there  /  bring you into the open as even workable  /  and define you  /  a little, c’mon  /  oops. ”

Ah we are on earth, a little of us, it seems to be real, I mean I finish up meditation, I do the closing off sequence I stand up, it’s dusky, the window, the backyard the sky a pale darkish blue, glow dusk .. glow .. another day, ended .. but we believe these terms, ah it seems so real in a way, born a man or a woman, you grow up, you do things each day, try to keep going, and it’s popular, get older, wonder what you can do for your health, but who “leaves” I mean, to get into meditation, to realize yes, being a man or a woman is good, I can’t quite call it a facade, because what’s underneath is kind of a blur, or we don’t know what it is, it’s cruel to call it facades, what we act out each day, we really have “nothing” underneath “nothing we can identify” .. hence meditation, you want to know .. you find out a little each day, ah to dare to open up on that blur, feel the eotu, as it comes in here, sees us, your painful life as man or woman, but a use to it, you know the particulars, living, now can you use that to create the little prayer being? ah, you mean, use my knowledge of human life, fitting into it, to bring her in? ah, real life? the final episode, or what it’s really for? ah, I can tell you, at the end of meditation, when I stand up, see the room, and dusk is there, I see it the sky, still lit up, but dimming, and the christmas tree and the bushes and the shapes I’m used to, my backyard, I see none of the meditation, the eotu, that’s hard to believe, that this room could be sucked down into a tiny pinpoint, that the backyard could be, that the sky could be, as far as I can see, that the earth could be, that the universe could be, sucked down into a dot, and what made it, stands there, not a body, not made of matter, it kind of shrugs its shoulders, allows us to see it a little, apply human shape to it, form, face, mood, shrugs its shoulders, looks at us

Ah, we go on with it.  To handle, seeing this much.  Ah make the little prayer being, in as much as this book is tapped and Shae hears this, as well as others.  She knows in person this probably wouldn’t work, our senses of our surroundings don’t include this.  Ever.  And so it goes.

People vague about their upset.  All over the world.

Vague.

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Feeling a blur as their home base, inside.  Just a blur.  They act like a man or a woman.  They just get on with it.  No one to tell.  They can’t really lament that “they need someone to tell all this.”  like a miracle person, could listen.  They know they can’t really tell anybody, can’t really organize this to tell anybody at all.

And so the day winds down.  Like that.

I do okay./ to tell people this way.  As the ultimate.

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It’s not so bad it is a huge accomplishment to tell anybody this at all, to have this in my mind, and tell anybody, in any fashion at all./ you might say it’s ridiculous to tell Shae this way, but is it?

It is alive on earth.  In all of us.

We can barely say it.  Barely meet in person and say the first words.

But this is here on earth, in a book, or a collection of a lot a lot of pages.

And it reaches into life.  It is in life.

It is very sad it can’t be more but we all know the mystery of life humans resist it don’t have time for it.

Ha, isn’t that funny?  To say it that way we just live here on earth are on about something whether designing spacecraft or delivering garbage or picking up garbage – it’s nice to leave, in meditation.  Just leave, all people are going on about as men and women.

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/endf’ snippet/ 9:35 pm

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//

It’s nice to make what this is all about, in the prayer being.  Almost.

Meet with forces outside earth, and bring this here.

What I can’t remember in person either and you can’t also.

But I get better with it every day.  A little.  Wear it in.  I calmly include it in my eyes when I look at you.  But do I say it.

It is background.  No longer a blur.

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/endf’ snippet/ 9:35 pm

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12:15 am

Oh life I recorded some spy show tonight or I don’t know what you’d call it, secret agent, hidden guy, world is looking for him, drops off 4 years or something, then reappears .. ah you know it must cost a helluva lot to make those tv shows big business .. I don’t know poor world, looking for something real, looking for excitement, ah sit in comfortable home, see something, get your juices running, I don’t know, what is good enough anymore, when are we going to do it ourselves, just quiet talk between each other, no secret agent stuff at all, what is revealed between two people between a few people, a new energy source, for life energy .. ah we all know the way life works .. it doesn’t work this way

Oh boy .. I don’t know, the blur no human can access, we’re so busy whether its watching tv or being an actual secret agent, people out there .. but inside, legitimately, you sort of maybe don’t know .. a blurry facade, all life is, any job, any pleasure, any moment, a mask on what you don’t know, couldn’t tell you “I never thought of it”

The bluuscream scroak coke drink pop sit

Ah at least hsve some access to what no not that here, but get together with people, no, not at all, ah energy source quiet life experiment the long hours energy source meditation then speak the prayer being only way you know how ah get a little can it get to people “out there” in life sure there is no such warble thing/ work bird mechanical feathers it how windup waddle it wants to, I don’t know how it hasppened asccidental it gains its little life the prayer being id be too embarrassed to speak, ah thr mechasnisms circuits it connects from other place/ how does this whomp ooplodoenergy work, plodding slope slow down what does it want, save our asses in this quiet life/ living their lives, living thrm usually

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:30 am

But I like people

They know that

They smile

Good story, Eric/ wow

For the implementation military book library book artys book no world nothing from here did it wants silly little life that I told anybody seriously real;istixcasllty is good/ made it/enedrtgy

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Ah its hard to believe I couldnr t sdpeak this to a friend

No one could

It made itr jhapahazard odd connections

It made ity

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Noy sipposed to be could never make it before was there contact before m,any yearts ago

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Ah this tiomne

S metjod

Rthis time’s method

Ah in our sdistrusyful world jaded nothing like this can occir “we know weverything””this doesn’t hasppen”{“cant possibly”

As we makebad patterns settle in live iout life

Nothing else

Other things happen in gfganrast storoes

Not our life

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:35 am

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//

For increased energy for life

Approaches bad pattern world

As it is sprrad out particles made fgantasy art good life andus inside sad

Always sad millions

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//

We just seek sincere meditation make little prayer being makes it here to live her non-matter being non physical life but she is here

You can feel me smile with her

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Through this book, far off from ever meeting you with her

But she is here

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It’s nice our reality read off laptops tablets it’s nice

And with us snarly grumbling everyday humans don’t say this

But she’s here it’s what you can do a world ineffectual on getting higher being nice

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:45 am

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Tuesday, May 6, 2014  10:20 am

Oh, life, this little life, what do you do, odd way of talking, humans resistant, to talk crazy, a casual talk crazy, be fluent, have words, a vocabulary, a style, ah poor things, a man and a woman go to an art gallery, big national gallery, high ceilings, architect-designed, not just someone’s suburban home, ceilings not that high, no light sources from overhead, not even track lights, have to wait for daylight, show art, show nothing, man and woman wander, need art, need art so much in their blappo machine gum houred hoarded minutes ride bullets horsie rocking horse when’d you go I am sad for me child of load minutes spent personal lives child shoot future out of gun, or what they can’t say, art, like those “regular thoughts” “I am going missing.”  We all are.  No way to find it, corridors, switchbacks, internal met you, hidden, people don’t have it, develop without it always wondering where are you in each of us “spots in gut nature bench I developed addendum a legal of age can drink so what adult sad where alive and grown up but can’t, can’t I get it what the hell is it?” any .. weird situation, cookie cutter weird amusement park weird give me in your eyes develop please, but also see people in a regular old way, ah the strain in the mind, the face, the body, the hips, we wheedle sew needle repair rip tear in sleeve monumental to say anything, like go to a Christian group, they say a little, they have the table bible like enlarged 230 something times glued on plastic figures junk world, they have little games booklets, put out thoughts every month, booklets love me sent out of weird thoughts protected by age so long ago, and we try, to talk the weird brought forward give any legitimacy not much, talk the okay crazy .. maybe it’s gopod go odd whack it happened a couple of thousand years ago lamb kissed free me store bible tshirt wenk lappoo, the crazy stuiff, mirsckes, man frm the sky, I dinlt know/ corrected words spell better find essense .. we aall just are helld to our stiory, it;;s nit brucks with belly buttons legs, the cylture of bricks, stand, at ayeention, a hirse msde of a brck, with legs we are we and we’re all said  and doneed to it, no it is is, humsnns, used to it, say nothing, story held to “incessant production of bad wink some good opstterns” “”fx them, let them go, more appesr” evem your lawn,. it grows, it needs cutting .. you can’t just leave it – things, just leave them – oh, problems, maintenance, but in Christianity, I mean, as in most religions, the crazy stuff happened a long time ago, so we hear about it now, /hold to stiry now opir everyday crazy stuff jaopen now or what is it, in yiur words you say to me rxepress to me/ and discuss it now .. and things thst happen in yiour voice right now, build “it’s okay” have so many lump “it’s okay” difficult mybe we duinlt want the thism, anythug st all, on the llokoutm, take a photo with our cellphine, ah maybe we just want to talk base it all pieces today dinlt want amythig yes we do– held to it, no werdo shout, no better on loudness week world, I guess they go hand in hand celercrate loudnerss week “feel hw resistant tyou are” niothig weurd please – evem though I dinlt like this life – please just have it the quiet same – I dinlt kknow what to do.  Donlt mention any of this.  Donlt appesr old odd, but appealing.  Live thst way, odd innovative respectable, but appealing.  No one can life that way.  You fall, you disappear.  You fade away.  You can only stay if you do it the same, do it so it doesn’t affect bad patterns evolution 24 hours anything, we keep fdoing the same things, same mistakes, same piling up common “everybody dyes it” a million douing it, tie dye, ha, noyt illegal, just ugly or qlot of it/we’re just slobs .. strange to never stop.  Never ever stop.  You’d hsve tio be so weurd, thst is unapproachable.  Please dionlt interruot me, make your weuirdness appealing in any way to me.  Doing it wow I like the same.  I seek this, no I didn’t say that I say I seek this, but I;m nit.  You will never get me to talk woeweird.  Evem thigs thst happened 2,000 yesrs asgio hrdly get me tio talk woweird.  And energy.  Released. Guven.  Fir the talk weurd, we can get some live animation let do.  Donlt embsrass me.  Are you a famous authir, famous painter?  Do you hsve exoensive works of asrt?  But sdtill talk like anyine.  Donlt talk weird.  Your faceNever approach whhst masy be contained deep in me.  I am a nirmal person, it is hidden, can you get oast my bsrruers, my test sutes, why is it so prptected, evem from the thig in sky turns away falls thst made it, thst must survuvem cinconcing the humans, thst is him, after all, story remain stesdy, producing what it dues, no stop to it, bad pattermns, misspell is there any op[ening here reads them, become “small god” in small ways, the prayer being walk past my problems we it was so hard to produce her too, eric do you hold back, steady lack masy daisy plok reserved, yesi do/ easch of us, the energy of hsvbimng a comopetettemt mind, can do lots no, no more than be felled by pain.  Can do more.

We only seek survive look terrible pain the look of it, no, it is terrible for terrible god spring forth happy young a million years old no time is this energy real I have kept alive yes bbut eric youre aging too but internally/ oh do you live full

We seek to do a damn good thing

Snmall quiet live health unternakl legs have some strength orgsns don’t have cancer live quiet man weird

Weird things creative inleashed weird not sexual or sometimes/ in you or crazy outwards meancrazy interloper .. no to talk of hiw little prater being is produced each day long convoluted words

Prattle? Could be we are illoguic skill prartle bloo

sketch

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/endf’ snippet/ 11:05 am

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11:15 am

Talk weuird to me give me pieces thst guve me good health unrescgabke crazy intell;ectueal vernttn verb vernal spring of fresh bottom of the gwisbasrerel crazy excuse me tio talk crazy and you can do it fur good jeaklth

Good health .. all these yeasrs words a crazy reson you can do it are allowed even can do it even can hold it together to do it freedom for health, context of small prayer being, know her history, how she was built, how she is built, know it

Oh set her down, she has a place

Ah it’s nice to talk the crazy, changes matter in my happy organs, say my liver contains anger, oh now it is acceptance, follow it through, how human has bad patterns, exists earth situation, ah “to leave” in meditation, but come back, to talk the crazy free warm of words that create a little being show her, and the purpose of meditation then is complete, she is alive, has been created

Oh the crazy for quiet health in life .. my liver have acceptance, used to be anger, and my heart have less excessive joy, crazy out of control beaming foolish happiness, instead is more even and calm, and my digestive system, stomach and spleen, have less worry, more nonchalance, and my lungs, have less grief, more love of life, and my kidneys have less fear and more bravery/ ..

Change matter this way, and live my quiet little life.

The prayer being has these internal organs, colours, and the human body has them too, as we produce her, tell others of her, in this “odd only here is crazy allowed” “only in this book” to have health, unbelievable, it is our words, feelings, chi kung/ a stoddotory, to

apprisch our story, of mastter, mstter shaped into our shapesbidues, words rules, tell me resources tio explore, but are these words important for life spasrk get me interested smiling for mess, life, yesrmnng, mistakes, mess, is it a stir, of us stirring coffee tea whee nit fully feeling, nit fully thinking, aware, of hsving art as excuses we for “we proclaim promulgate public discourse is it vesicant vlistering no canlt do it” “whst canlt we do” talk crzy, sbstractm, mess crestuve hsve lots olsy fuklness seripusmess, hiw do we do it, as a prayer being traveled through, her story is not that far from ours see her she is a being too, in all this, read out a sheet, do your best, to say it as human of matter possibilities shape into her, calm quiet

Matter my emotions to be resd to to interact odd pops squeaks moth gert tammgked try ti say t6his add to , wonder

-

/endf’ snippet/ 11:35 am

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//

Ah to have spaces to have crazy freedom make what the human is making never made, in how we say, to each other

Read out crazy run-on semtemce try tio be ckean quiet “cant say any of this”

But say it evem read to yourself say these tthigs “do I say the, when to anybody” no niot really hasve balasce feel the stiation say whst freedomn is

No very not really, I dint want ti hurt oeople freak them out, nit evem fur health .. feel your illness, smile at me odd cranky poems not poems health I hear watch you pl;easure in getting though the pain of mess and cinfusion then hsve small prster bergh, quiet, calm, she sits there ah read out confusion banging around wonder at sense life

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/endf’ snippet/ 11:40 am

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//

Oh the crazy inside meditation know the well developed story get colours feelings organs areas do become better more healthy become you healthy scan me in enter this and the thoughts of the little prayer being is you possible hark town crier the house thoughts addressing salad on leaves of her possible we write paper salad

Oh to say any of this “yes it affects your organs they are matter shaped anatomy is there they are also part of trillions of miles sucked into one dot and something stands there with it, not made of heart liver colon any of it, our bones teeth face, no none of it

So play along with it read these words out for matter code its higher dot doash it is like this talking to it odd health, make your mess, In words tell me what they mean, attempt flop let its sense carry you in human low-key saney none name “saney surrey” of this make me sigh laugh luse, in trsvelingh through the hmsn, make the little prsyer brog,. bog swamp let odd sounds buzz seemer Here, in mstter, the dit releaee entore universe, we are here comfrtsbnke shapes tell me more whst it says alive ots words fur humsn complicstion words mess run=on semtences misspelling some semse take a break give its mstter on these small invisdibke thigs .. matter words assembling have other possibilities it wants a body made of them, invisible to us in matter, but we see it, other senses aren’t sure, see it play, the eotu, come through, exist in its legal by its laws shy laws state by its last loop handwriting face in funny words in oh life, meditation without meditation give me sent all the words keep semse visbe thresd, tjhst is medstion, all the mess of humsn, yey a beautiful yayunder;ying thoppol read .. create her. she damces moves sways past it all, matter breathing vibratimng life our dtck postion, masde of mstte, csrryig out sdtiry she claim small bits of each misspelled word can be added to it, yes

We just like reading out nonsense, then shruggug shoulders srugging hands sauig “whst us it?  Whst are we?// isf thuis is or essence wjst I just saiod does strange she emerge

Little invis visdit visinubke being

Lumber mouth make some soundPast it all I just want ti be calm amd furget all my prioble,s and be her woosiwise being

Cute play poem tank oil words into her, take me sit with me read out a sheet please page I need my essence my cells in words

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/endf’ snippet/ 12 pm

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//

My cells their higher form, millions of cells interacting I am alive tell the words worldwide make the little prayer being I cannot make with my body

Ah my flesh and my alive I need the spark for my alive to give to my flesh

And on I go

-

//

Oh health, the story, of how matter is treated well, my health, by this story – in meditation you tell a story internally different from what the human would expect reach further than the human lack of where, doesn’t know where, you get the rest, where – do our words in life achieve that, reach me, I am further, bring a snack, serve the spark of life, a higher level, opuches unkniwabke, little sasrk, nit from here, in mtter .. tell the sdtiry, make ,e smile, werdi, fur sprk nit in achieveable we pin mstter, oh we are bessed with it, st birth, give uis some – how os styiry sdjusted tio get more, the code of sittig in meditation, crack the code, and life, share, complete, you cracked some of the code in meditation, now crack the rest of the code in life

What are we, higher level, speak code of words flowing through universe from edge of universe speak code of words

I want in my body wait here wait around do things in my body, watching

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:10 pm

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12:15 pm

The eotu kiss the human form, in words, in chi kung meditation form healthy possible make little prayer being in body showing her, gestures hand movements act out scene with her and words define her, her shape, words gestures and her calm, through crazy words

Form, book, form

What is it have colours of organs, green, red, yellow, white, purple, corresponding elements strength change matter form possible human possible little prayer being feel flopwee erk acjle agile we dock here tie ropes of procession of energy it likes earth this way wants to be on earth this way the eotu sogree soggy ascension to agree wet welcome through human into prayer being organiwords are matter named abive sdysmbols words scuemvxce religion move as them as mstter itself hufher furm refined

Ervem resd this jump sosr scatter

To feel the eotu edge of universe be filled out as this come through like the way it is going tumble ungle unanywhy like the strange strange sdidotory it is its ot sgrees keys mstch holes we wink turn key open door

To get through say oddest thingshere in life read out scatter majer asrt draw can’t say need to say odd any way you cabnpossubly say this get wotu through to prayer being loom reare weave we are weave make cloth fabric dna words into being words

Other forms of matter, dna moving expression words movinfg code mind breathe

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:30 pm

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12:35 pm

Oh the eotu take crazy cancer words crazy mess up human life loose some hope move through dance through the words glow buxom word full kiss sat there them wait bleeps grunts make little prayer being act out act good gestures facts of strange exist tense out relax me say create “do you see her there now?” dna invisible words say shy creation feasible I’ll take that one

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:40 pm

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3:15 pm

So, I did a 3+3, so that coupled with 2 hours 41 minutes magnification, equals 5 hours 17 minutes total .. it’s good to work on the dna of this creature, the dna is the words, a new form of matter, not matter, the evolution of matter into something, a story, the qualities of story, to be real, to be a form, past the human being shaped of matter into a story, their body made of the same things as a desk, as a wall, all shapes in a story, living, breathing, now the words, coming from these beings, humans, that have troubled lives, cannot move beyond them, bad patterns, rudeness, putdowns, anger, a whole cesspool of humans lying cheating using each other, /some good, very little, it is 30% creepos, some a 100% we catch, but very lame examples of “good people” everywhere else, some 100% good? yes, and ah, broken, or don’t know what to do, the world, oh humans, to be able to read their troubled life, in meditation, start the dna of another creature, further on from the matter of body and mind .. further on, create a small practical “god” in the prayer being, she is able to feel her body, her creation, of the entire story, begin to speak a little, in calm, ethereal, arrived here on earth

Oh very hard to do messes of words, creativity of words, dna, a creature growing, this book growing, being able to produce a little being, in life “there she is” “point her out” to very few, if no one at all, in person, what is the power of that, traveled all that way, to in person?

What is living here?

-

It’s very odd, the creature of /feeling pain in life /doing meditation /advancing on to creating a spirit being /and her whole makeup history in words odd scattered run-on millions of connections /assemble into a being that can speak.  Be.

-

To balance it out worldwide multiple dna beings replicated stories occurrences of this

It’s quite exciting to draw drawings to do a little of this speak the tiniest bit of this being

-

To help out

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/endf’ snippet/ 3:30 pm

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5:50 pm

So I packed the last box of dishes today, china dishes, that were left to my sister in the will.  I feel a little sick.  I don’t know what it’s from.  Ah, dishes, memories, my mom getting them out for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving too I guess?  Ah it’s painful, touching them, what do they mean, you get a little acid feeling in your gut, in your throat.  Getting through things.  And my sister, her not visiting dad in his last years.  The whole thing makes me sick.  And you just have to soldier on.  I’m the one that took care of him, it still hurts, /and my mom, 11 years before that, I’m the one did meditation with her, and helped her exercise, as best she could – oh, life, I’m glad to help, but pain is still pain, no one can tell another person how to grieve, what to remember, how to handle it.  Oh, so that is some of what I did today.  Got everything packed from on the kitchen floor, took the boxes upstairs put them in dad’s room some space there, and I cleaned up the leftover newspapers from the kitchen floor, the flyers, bits, I didn’t use, /and you keep going.  I took some garbage out of the can in the kitchen, the white plastic rectangular flip-top/ oh you know put a new bag in, these things, but there’s so many papers on the part of the cupboards over to one wall,/ papers small papers/ the corner opposite the fridge and sink,/ a new cupboard thing put in when they remodeled kitchen/ but papers, on flat top area/ yellow square papers post-it notes, songs blah plop ants of paper no not real ants/ just many where when you gonna look at them/ when/ some with notes on them, other just times written down I stopped eating, so I can do exercise, wait an hour, or do meditation, wait 2 hours, post-it notes, left unsticked on anything, grab random stick piled catch/ me/ when is old enthusiastic/ look at this, evolve/ papers bags bent pop can liikdsoff amd brkn lose aluminum pop camn tops lids savig those/ ah clean up ertyc well I dint leave amythug rottig there, tomsties, apples. No .. and just keep going, hiw’s my when enthusiasm/ back doing, oh alrioght, how’s my urge to exxercyse, oh nit thst good – I saw there was some sun out there tiday/ oh, the park eh big sky/ I didbt finish my medistion tioll sfter 3, so all in all what park go to park/ I had to wait to eat, and I need a shower/ but stopped meditiomn thrnthen do writing, then have sdded up an hour, before est, because it was a lonf session tuiday, let mediostion settle an hour, ah, I wndder if the please give me as boost/ any/park would cheer me up, exercise therem, actually try,. or am I too erf affoffa old, at 53, grt ouyt there, wsrm up, run duwn the fueld a litt;e.. test my running legs,  lag .. ah do I believe, you’re fnished sfter a whikle, wink giggle while just like everyone else .. whst is this dna of words, thwe extr little beig of words speak dlowly frift out mouth new power/ produced, thst’s n top of the humsn, a suffering life

“your suffering life uis good for this” “fir this firt it in”

Is fit good, fit in, is it?

To hsve time, the wherewithal, csrry evolutun firward “extra being wherd she come frfom” you feel mybe you just need more rest/ more like permanent rest/ can do it, can’t, but day ti day ground grass walk also cstcghes yiou, wait, suciety’s judgement, oh, you do certain things, certain periods .. whwen’s summer, when’s fall/ of your life .. you do certain thugs .. encapsulsted .. some you do when you’re yipper young .. these things

Where is sadness evolution ../ you become adept with sadness and a new day, do you/ very worn out, hrd ti belueve in tht the bidy msde of mstter, as everyi9ne’s is, hsrd to believe it can be resd, psrtner up with the eotu, the edge of the universe, receive it read it .. oh, where’ss your litgtle group, discuss this, sift through assertt together .. as if it’s populsr in life, thuis kind of dealing with things .. so many little sad lives, obsessed with wrong thinking cant stopliterssted, the persn, man or wiomsn hope“it’s just too much beyond my control/ I watch human, no longer involved, to be friends, to go out/ to write/ is all I do/ beenm too much” and the very strange, like chi kung meditstion, you take some stock in it, but .. some days you agree with everyone else “it’s silly” “it’s useless” you still do it, so I guess you don’t quite agree .. hm,msnity, in its buggkle, bubble, mstter shaped uintio where bodues, the culture of the 2 arms 2 legs being, don’t ask thst’s all .. hsrd to be;ieve “w3e’re just in a stiry” ‘manipulsted ir plsced in random” “some freewill” “all the drtails” ‘open your eyes” and whem you go somewhere see thigs distance height shape texture see things why .. it’s hsrd to include that past why and look, the other, thst we’re un in a story, no, sort of placed in top of it the things you might think mind thst corner yopes but something where made us, its mind, banned blended sink, opowerful, sink, wheres breath resuitaye them has dearails, us, duesnlt csre to partake, to know, us until death maybe not even thern, know us friends easy meeting or some ease how are ya? we can cohabitaste conquer fears just .. beig completely sdtimulsted thropugh esrth semmses but then more .. and missig out, no we get it a little see you oh time to talk, urge, have to say, have to walk over, in our world many bodies one mind edge of uniovers slides .. but herewae are in the rest .. cnquer the esrth semses, or get pasast them, spell, tone them down, or advise feel the other, the eotu, work it, through you, to the prayer or casual being, work your words, her words, the eotu strengthen yiou/ you’re not over yet/ write hard ride hard cowboy to next town next sentence, millions of them, like I have been said here befuire, me do, and millions of them, in this book, rubbung sgainst some ansoo we’re monsoon rain pelt, canlt quite get out of rthere, or all of it, I write esch day a psge 2, niw you see a few of them, 2, 3, here, 100, and there, 25, 26 27 my do some more sketctes, diet yscuss why cuss? success, in life, this other don a dnaa mm, invuisbke beig, whst life really means, a spirit being, opr casual small thing good lady diont know much abniouyt her beliefs or scirncve hsvent taklked to her that much/ stsrts beyind ths esrth, thuis niverse, comes through us, inclddes we psrtner with it, makes the prayer or casual being now, she’s still good, but “prasyers””? she just lives .. or tries to .. oh the mess of don’t do dna forward go, of words actions feelings, the prsyer beig;s do somena, words, story, energy of flight, take me higher, kindness, and the humsn of flesh, helping, gettuig energy, ti csrry this through, working it, body of peanut butter, no, feel a bit sticky fingers better, get stremmgth, or just die, sadness – make it through .. make it, oh my, make it some more here .. create little beig, wise girl,. Standbng there, see her, through tired adult eyes wiil, see her, will you ever say herm, in person, with others, they canlt quite believe you’re sayig this “this canopycrap ‘ ‘this crazy go live crap” ah msybe they wnlt say too mthst, some .. oh, tio get eneegym, be pssrt of a cruwd, esrth,. people, be psrt of this life loop me include me, on esrth, as this prsyer being .. surmise, think of .. judge, the chances, of it ever happening, me be anywhere tired or influential listened to anywhere when

We do okay, crowded up world, so many people up trunflingescaslator who, want the standards, a better house bib drip good suit, better car .. want the standsrds, more monety, youth, look youngeerm, buy fsncy meducal , hi doc trestments, the standruffsrds, belay someone support me bus, chug the standsrds down, let’s love on rthe standasrds down road greet .. why try all this shift duesel big .. nit the stsndsrds .. tre honesty, hidden, hd ti see/ tree honesty walk feel silent say hello to things in a plant thoughts

Oh you know .. a quiet “where’s your job” “wwhhere’s your making a living it’s okay live” medisting, on evolution .. medistion,, going out into life, osdd way, accidemtall, odd, touchng people,. touching theur hearts for disease of tired, fur our sad world, the way hum alongns always do it, want everybody “to somehow be good” “when they mauy nit evvem be good” my nit even .. whst is the torturopus ckeanig out, sweeping away all lies, misconceptions, sweeping out, still livng, find something else, not how the human windup and inspect me of the worlds, works does, of the eitu, bksnk, happy, a little,. Powerful, beam in let me remember use taksnk, sall, thank calm, stsmds bersude as dutm everythg ciomes out of, will maybe talk through the humsn, the troubled huumn, msybe set up shop, cibuine, talk continueas the humsn “had it” “can do no everying more, no more” “this ios nit real” ‘it’s just sime fsnciful medistion suppose if?” so it is not suppose .. make the little gurgle stream go find sit okay blillyutune, she smiles at me incident finish fresh slant ilnt,, ill it?looks walks slow;y sround the room, revolves, as if she us resdfy for join in cipon, tell all this .. doesmt push though, is happy just being alive, with me.  ah, shae jasmine, the little prsyer beig girl, honey, I dint kkniw if I’ll ever be abbke to follow through in all this.  I am the brokn man.  You and me fncy ways, the grest energy, fresh, ah .. may just be too weyrd, where’s the club I gio to, where’s the bar I go to, to drink, sit and talk about this? ah, I kniw, it’s niot thst type of thing .. I am my no msytter beig, shae jasmine we do it all, I am this matter shaped unto you bidy, seems to hsve an existence, I think as any humn woyld, we copy, emukste, we lesrm from others, olderparentpeople, we grow up .. at some point, well st least in my case you wonder, ast all the humsn mind, but asking yiu in fur the rest, whst’s behind us, whst msde us, and nit labelling it witjh real addigion, or science, just lesving “guve me a way to lesve, I want to lesve, nit to okay yiou copy dill myself, but just fund out wjjst all this really is” evmn csre .. people used ti say about me “I dinolt csre about anything” just don’t care leaf ../ I was photosynthesis sad in thuis humsn bidy leaf tree, dinkt you see me / know me this way we ever made? I saw it through, I dint kniw f I would hsve like chi kung sooner, I think my bdy and mind are so sad, it’s odeal fur chi kung, but also it can kill you, it’s the bad pattern to be read by chi kung/ hard to take advantage of new energy, be excited about it, that niw I’m in am equation I can tyake my vow yell sasd tired life and perk up .. wht, I kniw a lot of pople are intertestd in some sleep this, nit ortuculasrly my sleet words, bu8t just the general area – whst to do with a liofe so sad,. sad – and all of us “nit resdy” fior strange sad more sad worst takes on “why are you so sad? whst can we do about it? you as if” live, the sad make t up in your head” ‘famtastuc thigs” “where’s the life, opportunity, livelihood, psychiatry gas check” where’s the life, please my Gid lip where’s the life .. hiw do you wamt tio do this, anyine, in a tired world, exuberamce of youith, foolhsrduiness of youth, and mniuopltioon iof adlts, the taking of nstire grab me if sduylts, take use up thriw out, get more new but st a pruce typ this world I cime otherwotldly

asdduituin no go it’s a no go.

Or is it a go?  Too tired ti fughtm, fuight foolisdhly, like as youth, be bnrught-eed, sbsorb opuvndges, fudge punch like a youth.  Sugar sit  Too tired./ make friends assuage enemies bring peace sit this mistask eefo replacemrnrt easy man woman people signify sagacious peace do good enough peace wise sharp

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//

Give me good at words rid me of time to be good at words, no let me look more morning only knee yah at good all fort words bring defense

Let’s esspo essol ezzolve evoplve vop volunteer vamose ervolve

Give me chance tired sit on chair my face crowd talk send this way as if it is anything

We wirple ickle cream spot sundae whirff hwelicopter wellness deliver through traffic get there fancy walk on sky say a little like thisread some look at us read some look at again look at us try to fit in this wonderful stuff lay of land me down here

You’re not so far away angel eric

Yappy/ give some silent person your yappy eee roller coastyer saw a loy yiour yappy/ love in yap

Talk the tall tale besotted sit tired old you eric slupper slurp pig in pig out person viable other

We is knowis/ iz in yiu

Showe zud us

Give, styay a while awkward city flash cards grow some slides mumble sing anthem star ghuim flash some more slides video warm up have a friend in yiou taslk some nothing haver better grast presentation nothing/ graft in pear tree apple tree other

world

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/endf’ snippet/ 7:20 pm

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8:15 pm

A wave of depression took me over for a while, you just feel like you’re going to die, like you’re going to stop bathing lie in bed, you’re going to answer the doorbell you’re hunched over and dirty greasy hair

You get through it, wait, seem to get through it

Seem to settle in it, gauge raises 50%

I don’t know why

I hint in my mind it is the eotu reading the bad pattern, but I don’t know that for sure if

-

//

We all wade down milky oily depths dye

Then live

We all have that chance live die dye dip in ass shivering terrible nervousness suicide saw life just them a great try reused toast scrub pad invented life/ amplified terrop tear up enviable earth, worst den odd peevish citizen

Then live it up rained wax seal imbark

Embark letter Like us we all hope

All feel it surround the between wend over hill

Wind wend end pick me for life’s licks hard beaten sit still war it pass

I give you a pass low maybe me fast speed of death let you go walk back to house

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/endf’ snippet/ 8:25 pm

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9 pm

Ah life hockey game big score flash to fans guy standing up cheering beer in hand half full he’s happy soft belly, beer, happy smile, good for him, great

Ah this life relax cheer for your team

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//

10:50 pm

Oh I enjoyed watching the hockey game, I liked that the Canadian team won, but I don’t know what it means, on each team there’s Canadian, American, Swedish, Norwegian, I don’t know how many nationalities/ so .. but after the game the news was on, and now climate change is very much here, it’s stopped being “a worry of the future” it’s here right now, in floods certainly, and storms getting worse – wetter winters, hotter summers, but an overarching theme of that “nobody’s listening” or one side wants change, the other insists “nobody else across the world is doing it, why should we?” and I saw perfectly my situation, that to get across my information, has been quite difficult, that I knew pretty much from the get-go, I was communicating to people, I would never have a conversation about these things, ever .. and even with a person that liked me and respected me I would probably never have this conversation .. and somehow the information got through, but not really.

It is a good example of how humans are.

-

How to find anything close to helping us all, from outside the planet, or outside the usual mind, and how we would even listen, because we reject it pretty much across the board .. that the human is locked into patterns of bad patterns, each and every one of us, and you have to leave, through mental illness and meditation, to find answers, then you can hardly communicate them, or find some odd odd way of almost reaching “the reader self” “or some other self” because the human doesn’t want to change, in meditation even the best human faces “we want only human” “and they can do nothing about anything at all”

It really stops being “oh environmentalists know about climate change” “and rude shallow people do not” oh, deep in, even the environmentalists, in meditation, would find how closely they stuck to the human model

And this information I get across about the prayer being is not welcome on the world stage, either to environmentalists or rude money-pushing other people

This is simply “not us” we are in the good/bad engine, it really doesn’t go anywhere, but downhill, constantly the bickering, and really, no one/ of the two groups willing to go into deep sincere meditation

Where you become something of some other world

And respect it

Like in a way I have been respected through this

In a way

No way

In life

But here, yes

We need someone other than humans, from humans

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/endf’ snippet/ 11:15 pm

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//

How do we continue this model, on the world stage, with a great many people, where I don’t actually meet with them, where no caring person “of another world” actually meets “with the humans staying stuck in their world” but somehow we do meet in this context of a book, or a tapped book .. I really don’t know how that works, people fresh and new and uninhibited and sincere, I don’t know how that works, people get around each other and they become human again

We really must stay back but must communicate at the same time, the minute you sit down and look at a human face you immediately become human again and can’t do anything about any of the problems we face/ can’t do a thing, we must keep human, need it, but also need someone, groups, outside of it, that somehow communicate to people that are self-righteous and belligerent and wrong/ how do you get through to them, when again and again you meet with them and nothing can be done/ what are the bad patterns read by the eotu, for the prayer being to appear?

How is that said to anyone, all a 100% of the groups on earth?

Are there no good people left or good aliens or home-grown ordinary aliens grown through mental usillillnerss and mediystion?

We ned something elsde.

To gert answers.

Oralmost mispellingd sdonhome/ down home

Or almost

-

/endf’ snippet/ 11:25 pm

-

-

//

So end of that writing there offline a few days ago there’s more but just take a break ah here we are Sunday mothers day may 11, 2014 it’s 7:20 p.m. here there’s another hockey game on tonight I think its montreal and boston, oh dire straits, for montreal I think .. but competition and all of it, and moms trying to raise good kids not compete so much maybe find other way a most unpeaceful world our minds work the way they do just on earth

So wander with me in this land

This other land

Ah do you get the hang of it don’t know what this is, a million zimbling grumbling too many ah like people things airplane trips different cultures places or just a rest compact store on little device “whole other world” “what the mind cannot do” “can never do” see a little, most of us do not meditate “you know that eh eryc> most of us do nit mediste st all?”

“yeah I kniw thst, but you lisyem to me or like thst I joke a little am a bt of a pig ir just had it all of us even if our jobs are public, people blow up or have just hasd it with assholes or whst do you do so mamy oeoplwe whst do you do.  Any relief.  Have a drink.  Hsve a spleef.  Whst do you do.  Fur me, noether, no pot, no a;cohol.  I get by, work on this odd book a million pages of “whst dio we do niw?” “religion sciernce mentall illness kniweledge zazxoo masmy zoos caput out of order zoos all of us no trainer no one tio wash our back dymb ekehsmnts or pretty smart to hole up resd ths book take little spurts in it little jaunts see whst’s here.

Ah we all love it tired our asses all tired out with thus asshole seruyc – yeah itls weurd good friend took 190 20 30 yesrs off to siffere in memntal illness go crazy crime or out of the way esrly 20 yesrs old fade dye

And then come up with this some ways duwmn the risd 40 years with sense/ ah make or break weird person not university prof not street dealer nits bedbiddr sonof gees covkraxh itych balls/ we need touches here and there famous bad humour not too much licorice but a definure sksnt oif uinsanity casualness black chew brillbooboince smsrt no smsrt I hurt so bad blaa

We all; ghurt

And want got hurt something

Brazem tired ride but the most csrgbbg person in the world/ no way no fucking waty kind no swear be sweet in person

Dint shiowe it dfont be hurt hide in it justy fir us/ be revealed down corridor show up dont swesr wait your time

Be somewjere in therer the mind of no matter, some “thought house” different partuckes differemnt build something in there

I just need ti see the expert humsn good spelling misspe;l;ed handle it make it through truth rotten rotted exit out make door maskle ot better somewjere SOMEWHERE

Is it better somewhere .. call me out I can bsrely soell perfect lesve it st thst dnt ask me ti work this hsrd, surface truth, inside mekchanikasinascals trith more stretch out words make me vleary, and more go amd work amd refune it and cme up with something

All of uis jopin in get the dystamnt feel instibctoyal;;y this is whst we need/ instinctually sometimes correct and sketch ansd make me feel better sit wuith me mom friend I’m older anyone any of us looking ti be strong and iondeopendent but dopy yep you soft mouse cryog in orivste hole wall impossible “shiowe me any more no one” show me me finally/ this stranger author and me stranger reader let through small words doors handles on each hinges “he dyesmtkni like me” ‘yeah he does no one kniws anything one more time” here/ raise the effort one more time for suc esses fallen book exhaistiomn drag tuyourself here close the door and do so good

We do have a life here in careful satiated fee meditation effect cheap buy heartfelt don’t abuse him distant being esdge of univertse close nt made like a human body at all made like this book

Friend peer in run fingers around